You Said What?

It was June 9th. It was a hot day. I was excited...we were leaving for Ocean Isle Beach on Saturday. Sophia would see the beach for the first time. I remember I was doing some last minute loads of laundry. I was sitting on the couch folding laundry when Anthony came home for his break from work. Little did I know the conversation that would take place would change my life forever. It would test my faith in the Lord. It would impact our marriage...our life...our everything.

You see Anthony came home from break to tell me that he was loosing his job. Looking back now, I am amazed that I didn't yell or freak out or go for a drive. This blow...2 days before vacation. How could it be? Why was this happening to us? I didn't understand. He said, "Sarah, I need to tell you something." It's been eating at me...I was going to wait until after vacation. But I can't. I'm being let go." For a moment I felt like I was paralyzed. I just looked at him. I thought about Sophia (thankfully she wasn't there, she was being watched by a friend). "I'm sorry, you said what?"

In that moment I was griped with fear, anger, hurt, and utter disbelief. This man...who's job we relied on to live- wouldn't have one.  A million questions went through my head in the next several minutes as we just sat there in utter silence. Where would go? How would we buy diapers? Food? What about our bills? I was scared out of my mind. Would I have to go back to work? (My heart ached at this thought) What about our insurance? We would have to cancel our vacation...we needed to save money.

I cried...no, I sobbed. I asked Anthony how could he do this? I could hardly look at him. I remember thinking how grateful I was that Sophia wasn't there to see me cry. I remember the look of hopelessness and failure in Anthony's eyes.  His break time was over...he had to go back to work.

I wish I could tell you that I immediately grabbed Anthony's hand and said let's pray. I wish I could tell you that I turned to my Bible or began praying by myself. I wish I could tell you that I wasn't angry or scared. I wish I could tell you that I gave everything over to God. I wish...

I didn't do any of those things...right away.

Instead I cried. I told God I didn't understand. Worry set in like a shadow...dark and looming. I felt helpless, I felt alone. I worried what people would think. I wept and I yelled out. I fell to my knees.

I forgot about WHO MY GOD WAS.

I forgot that He is my provider, my comforter, and my peace. I forgot that He is faithful. Let me just say that this took me a little bit folks...to remember this. I remembered Sophia. I remembered when we first first married and how God provided. I remembered all the little things that God took care of. Then, I fell to my knees. I prayed like I never prayed before.

Fast forward 2.5 months later...

I am not proud of how I reacted (yes...REACTED not RESPONDED) to Anthony's news. The Lord answered many prayers these last several months. I realized alot of things about myself. I now see God in a new way. The people (and you know who you are) who stood by us and encouraged us. The ladies who hugged me while I wept. The late night conversations and wisdom from our friends were more than we hoped for. These last several months, for me have been huge in the issue of trust. Trusting in my Jesus, that He heard me...that He listened to me...that He had it under control. Trusting in the written word of God that He speaks through that. And trusting myself...that I do hear that still calm whisper of my Savior. I learned about the power of prayer. I learned to be still. I learned to listen. So, yes...we went on our family vacation to Ocean Isle. We had an awesome time. We tried to "forget" about the job for a week. Yes, Anthony is still employed with the Post Office. The Lord worked all of it out, in His perfect timing. He did. Yes, this is the reason that I stopped blogging. (I've got alot of catching up to do and I'm excited to be blogging again). I've seen a changed man, in Anthony. A new ownership of who God has called him to be and it is quite refreshing. Yes, we feel the Lord stirring the waters (and have for some time) for our future. We are excited about what the Lord is doing in our lives and where He is taking us. For now, we will rest and trust in Him.

Here's some pictures from our summer vacation...more to come later.