sarahg

A Pinky Injury {part 2}

Being a stay at home mama isn't easy. I don't sit at home and eat chocolate. I don't watch TV all day (we don't even get TV stations). I don't go out for lunch everyday (we eat ham sandwiches and leftovers). BUT, I do get to spend everyday with Sophia and I would not want to trade that for anything. My house is cleaner than it's ever been. I am able to cook (which I love). My laundry is not overflowing out of the hamper. I feel very blessed that I am able to stay at home.

That being said, I know I don't express to Anthony how much I appreciate him working. I know I don't tell him enough how grateful I am that he works to provide for our family. I know there are some days that he would rather stay at home and hang with us. I know there are days when it's hard for him to go to work. But he does it. And I...I am SO thankful he does. So, ladies...when your man comes home from work tonight. Tell him. Tell him you appreciate what he does and you notice how hard he works.

And yes, it took a pinky injury for me to realize that I am not so good at expressing gratitude towards my husband. So, Anthony...I know you will read this and probably not comment, that's ok. Thank you for working hard for us. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you at the post office for this season in our lives. Know that Sophia does miss you when you are gone and EVERY time she hears the car pull into the driveway she comes running to see you. Love you!

A Pinky Injury {part 1}

I think...

No...

I know I sometimes forget to tell my husband how much I appreciate him. These last several months and most importantly the last couple of weeks have taught me alot about myself. I stay at home with my daughter everyday. My husband goes out to work. Only the last several weeks he hasn't worked.

Several weeks ago Anthony was playing volleyball and broke his pinky finger. After going to the doctor he found out that he not only broke it in one place, but two. He also found out that he would never be able to play guitar (his passion & gift) again unless he had surgery. When I found out, I was upset for him. But that soon subsided and all I could focus on was him not working. I am ashamed to say it...I became angry. I was mad that he wasn't working.

Sophia and I pretty much have a routine down for our days and Anthony being home was going to throw all of that off. Not only that, there would be absolutely no money coming in. Yet, another blow. Something else to pile on the list of things for me to be upset about.

Our home life these last 2 weeks have been stressful. At times unbearable. I have cried. I have gone out alone on drives just to get away. I rolled my eyes at Anthony whenever he did his therapy exercises at home. I have been mad, bitter, and upset. I deseperately needed an attitude check. All for what...Anthony not working?

No, it's much more than that.

I do know I have been ungrateful. I have not appreciated my husband working and providing for our family. (I'm pretty sure I was taking it for granted). I know that I have been extremely difficult to live with. I know that I have a mouth and I use it. I know that I have not trusted the Lord in our situation. I have seen how I can be utterly selfish. I know that I was anything but encouraging.

I do not know yet the full extent of what the Lord is teaching me. But I do know I need MORE. More of His presence. More of His grace. More of His teaching. MORE. It's funny how something so small can teach you the most about yourself. I am still a work in progress.

 

 

 

From Baby to Toddler

How do you go from 7 pounds to 27 pounds?  How did we get from wondering if you would ever walk to you running through the house carrying toilet paper and prancing around in the living room? How did we get from listening to you cry when you were awake to hearing you have entire conversations with the air in the morning? How did we get from us reading to you to you reading to us? How did we go from diaper bags, burp cloths, and bottles to play kitchen's, trains and babies?  How did we get from spoon-fed mush to you loving meat? It happens so fast and really I didn't realize how fast it would happen. Sometimes I look at Sophia at wonder how I got to be so blessed. She is such a great kid. There are days, after correcting her that I wonder...am I really doing the right thing?  I look into those blue eyes and see myself staring back at me. I think I have ONE chance to get this right. (How desperately I need the Lord to guide me!) There are some days when I worry about what she's wearing and if her hair looks right...I need to STOP this. I need to let her just be a kid. Right now is the time for sticky hands, imagination, dressing up, muddy feet, finger paint, and being a girl. The worries of the world will come soon enough.

So how did we get from a baby to a toddler...in just a snap of the fingers. Pardon the reminiscing...but I need to get this out. Happy Thursday everyone!

More than Enough {Mother's Day}

I must admit I didn't think Anthony had anything planned. I must admit that I did remind him once. I must also admit that I was really surprised this mother's day when I was woken up with little blond curls tickling my face and a gift bag sitting on the bed. Inside was this lovely collage Anth put together for me of Soph and I. It was SO thoughtful and more than enough!

 

We went to church that morning where I had the pleasure of taking pictures of Mom's with their families. It was SO neat seeing proud mama's and their children. Lunch was spent at my house where I made lunch for my Mom. While eating lunch and looking at my Mom, I couldn't help but feel such thankfulness. She is such an example to me of what a Godly mother is. And honestly, I don't think I truly ever got how much she sacrificed until I became a Mom myself. She is my best friend. We spent the afternoon together talking and playing games and it was wonderful!

That evening brought a most welcomed surprise as Anth left and said he would be back. I was getting hungry and he surely didn't dissapoint...because P.F. Chang's was for dinner! That's right...I ate the wonderful deliciousness and in my PJ's! He knows me SO well.  

I have been thinking alot about this role of motherhood...and not just because Mother's Day was coming around the corner. It's something that's always on my mind - as I breathe and live it minute by minute and day by day. I feel full, and blessed...and humbled by this life. Even though it's not even been two years...I know I was meant for motherhood. The challenges and surprises together with the beauty and the grace...well, it all just keeps coming. Fresh and new-day after day. I find myself growing braver, stronger, and more confident in my skin...as a Mother. And at the same time I am realizing that I cannot do it by myself, I need God's direction. I desperately need Him to show me how to pray, give me the patience and grace I need to move through my days with Sophia, the room to forgive myself when it's needed, and the eyes to see the blessings and the beauty all around me.

And on a side note, I will leave you with one more piece of info. Just so you don't think that I (and my hubby) take the most awesome pictures and have the most coperative daughter all of the time. This is a picture before it got good...about 60 pictures BEFORE! (hehe!) Hope you had a blessed Mother's Day and gave that special Mom in your life some extra TLC!

Fifteen Minutes

I bet my last Tuesday topped yours, dear readers...read on. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes have gone by since I have put Sophia down for her nap. I am downstairs...participating in the coveted "me" time when I hear Sophia cry on the monitor.  It's a different sort of cry so I go upstairs to check it out.

What greets me as I open her door is a rank smell of poop and my daughter leaning over the crib with caked brown hands. Yes poop. My darling daughter managed to poop and then proceed to take off her diaper and play in it. I am sure my face was contorted all sorts of ways. I am sure see sensed my frustration and anger. I am sure she knew exactly what she had done. I managed to gain my composure and swiftly slipped into clean up mode. First things first...I had to open a window and yes, I grabbed my camera. So, you my readers would get to experience the bliss that comes along with a toddler. (hehe!)

Her hands were covered in poop that had been squeezed like a banana (yes, even underneath her finger nails). It was in her hair and on her legs. It was smeared all over her beloved blankie and quilt. Yes it was on the rails where she grabbed to get up...because yes folks it was all over her sheets too. I mean seriously, what was she thinking? I acted quick and got some baby wipes. (I know what you're thinking...baby wipes??!!) But yes, I wasn't going to grab her out of the crib and let her touch me with poopie hands. 20 wipes later...her hands were clean and I pulled her out of the crib.  Holding her away from me like she had some disease I sat her in the bathtub.

By now, she was crying because I had to turn on the shower. And she doesn't like the way the water comes down on her. I wasn't about to give her a bubble bath...she would be sitting in her own poopie water. (that's just nasty folks!) After getting all of the crusty poopie off of her little white body I sat her on the toilet and disinfected the tub with bleach and comet and then ran bath water...this time with bubble bath. And then I scrubbed like you wouldn't believe.

Once the bath was done and Sophia had clean clothes on I tackled the bedroom. I fill up a bucket of hot water and lysol cleaner with bleach and set to cleaning Sophia's crib. I go to shut the bedroom door and I hear Sophia' s little feet come running across the dining room into the hallway. (This is gonna be fun....NOT!) I can't let her into her room and I tell her this. A mix of being tired and not being allowed to come into her bedroom she flings herself down on the ground stomps her feet and cries.  I shut the door and let her cry. Thirty minutes, two rags, and five bucket re-fills later her crib is clean. Her room may smell of disinfectant...but it's clean.

I am exhausted and all I want is to go back downstairs. I find Sophia reading on the floor scoop her up and take her into her room to TRY and put her down for her nap. I go to lay her down...and what does she say: "EW...EW...EW mama!"

50 ways to Encourage your Babies

(or maybe your friend's babies, if you don't have any babies of your own)
(OK actually, you could say some of this stuff to your spouse and it would make them feel good. I mean, maybe don't talk to them in a baby voice though.)

It's dinner time and all I want to do is sit at the table and eat. But no, I have a little sprout who requires my attention. Don't get me wrong...she's using a fork now and really doing well at it. But every now and then, she needs help. Anth and I were talking and then the talking turned into MORE talking. Things got a little heated. Ok. Alot heated (embarrasing!).

We were bickering back and forth about something so stupid. Sophia, hearing all of this...started getting louder and louder. She finally said "MAMA, STOP". (side-note: you see, Sophia has this book, it's a sign language book. it shows pictures of people and things and then adults giving the sign for them. i HATE reading this book. but sophia LOVES it. so, one of her favorite pages in the book is the sign for stop. she giggles every time i do it.)  I turned at looked at her and bust out laughing. Our bickering came to a halt. I don't like arguing in front of Sophia. She doesn't like it either.

She is such a little sponge right now. It made me think, she really is listening to me. Yes, your babies. Listen. Even when you think they aren't...they are.

I saw this article in one of my family life emails. If you aren't signed up for these, they're pretty neat and free. They send daily devotionals and articles right to your email. ch- ch- ch- check it out...

50 Things You Can Say 
to Make Your Child 
Feel Great
Janel Breitenstein
*************
I’m proud of you. And even if you weren’t so fantastic, I’d still be proud.

I believe you.

The way you _____ is such a perfect addition for our family. God knew just what we needed when He gave us you.

I know you and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I’m committed to working on our relationship so we both feel understood and secure.

I can’t believe how _____ you are. I can’t imagine the plans God has for you!

You know, you may not feel very _____, but God knew exactly what He was doing when He made you the way He did, and it was just how He wanted to express Himself. I love you just the way He made you. And I wouldn’t have wanted Him to do it any differently.

No matter how royally you mess up, I’ll always be glad you’re mine, I’ll forgive you, and I’ll love your socks off.

I saw how you _____. I’m so proud of you.

I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?

I want to hang out with just you tonight. What do you want to do?

I remember when I _____. I felt so _____. I don’t know if that’s like what you’re going through, but it was a tough time for me.

I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me for _____?

I got you this, just because.

Lately I’ve really seen you grow in the area of _____, like when you _____.

Yes, there is food in the house.

I admire the way you _______. In fact, I could learn a lot from you in that area.

That was a really wise choice.

No chores today.

I trust you.

You’re really growing into a young man/woman of character. I can’t tell you how exciting that is!

Go ahead and sleep in tomorrow.

I had no idea you could do that! You impress me.

What do you think?

I canceled your appointment with the dentist.

I love your dad/mom so much! He/she is so _____.

I love being around you.

I’m so glad you’re home.

Thank you!

I love doing _____ with you.

You are one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. I am so humbled God gave me you.

I feel so proud when I’m with you.

You handled that so well.

I made your favorite _____.

I’m trusting that God will take perfect care of us. He’s always done it before! Can we pray together about this?

With God’s help, your dad/mom and I will never, ever get a divorce.

That looks great on you.

If I were in your shoes, I would feel so _____. Is that how you feel?

Would you turn your music up?

You are so well-disciplined in _____.

I sent you a big ol’ care package in the mail.

That was so courageous.

Do you feel like I’m understanding you?

If there were one thing you could change about me as your mom/dad, what would it be?

You have some real gifts in the area of _____.

Let’s go to Grandma’s!

It is so cool to watch you grow up.

Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you.

I miss you, but I’m glad you’re having a good time!

You make me so happy just by being you.

I love you so much.
*****************

Goal: I am going to try and say 2 of these phrases to my baby girl today. And maybe one of them to my husband. ;)

Love Day

Why the lack of blogging...you ask? Please read below.

While doing the dishes last night I was thinking about Valentine's Day and everything that I wanted to do, but didn't get done. Which is basically everything. I had it in my mind the amazing cards I was going to make for my valentine, the heart cookies with pink and red sprinkles, a little somethin'-somethin' for Sophia, the brownies I was going to make and hand deliver to some special people....(and yeah) none of it is going to happen.

Why? Because last week has been one of the hardest weeks for me in a LONG time. I am so disappointed. I was looking forward to, making Valentine's and wanting people to feel-the-love. So, what happened you ask. My darling daughter had lice. Yes, lice. Discovering it late Monday night, I immediately sent Anthony to the drug store to purchase Nix. I don't care what people say: "Sarah, lice...it happens. It's a part of kids growing up...you shouldn't feel like a bad mother or dirty." BUT I DID...I so did. Even scratched my head a little bit and wondered if I had the bug too. Come on! You know that when people begin talking about lice...you feel itchy. (ha!) The next morning I immediately went into a cleaning frenzy. I must have done at least 8 loads of laundry that day. I vacuumed our carpets, (yes, even a week later I am still vacuuming twice a day) our couches and Sophia's mattress was vacuumed too and the bathroom floor was bleached, all of her stuffed animals were bagged and bedding washed. Sophia got her first treatment of Nix and I thought it would all be OK.

Wednesday morning...I checked Sophia and still found bugs. I bursted into tears. I was tired and emotionally spent.  I just wanted this to be over. Looking back, I realize that there were worse things that could have happened. But for me, that morning...seeing bugs in my daughter's hair was horrific. That morning, Sophia got another treatment. 

For me, all last week was spent doing 3 loads of laundry a day and vacuuming. Mind you I had a wonderful hubby, who not only worked but helped me during this entire thing too. I NEVER want to go through this again. If you haven't encountered this little critter...count it joy!

Now it's February 14th, I haven't made a single card. But really, it's okay. Wiping off the last pot last night, I realized that I show my love to Anthony (my Valentine) and Sophia everyday.  I really don't need this day just to celebrate it. So, next Valentine's Day if you catch me fretting about it...please remind me of my experience last year. Happy Valentine's Day and remember it's not about the gifts and chocolate...it's all about the other 364 days you show love.

Being Vulnerable here...

By the look of this photo (or maybe all of my photos lately) you might think things are easy. Most of the time...things are usually smooth-going. Not perfect...I or my daughter's smiling face have created any illusions of perfection...then my apologies. I think it's harder for me to show up to the page at my lower moments. It's easier to not say anything at all (or to share a photo of something I am celebrating) than to dwell on what's hard. But I also learn over and over again, that to appear to have it all together when you don't, (Who does?) leaves little room for others to connect deeply with you. It is a gift of connection we all miss out on.

Case in point.

Last Friday was rough.  Anthony has been under-the-weather...so he's been home all week. So he needed some extra TLC. Which, for me is difficult. I mean I don't get sick days. ha. Sophia has been teething and extra whiny and needy.  For a variety of reasons (exhaustion, sophia who wakes up in the middle of the night, hubby who is constantly coughing). Then to top it all off...I am not feeling the greatest. I was hitting the edges of my parenting. (aka: I was losing it) I wavered between, I'm not strong enough for this, What have I done... and then finally, utter shame at how impatient I was being with Sophia.

I picked up the phone. Who could I call that could just be with me right now? I dialed my sister.

Me: (pretending everything was fine) Hey! How are you?
Sister: Good, tired...but good.
In my head: She's too busy...and exhausted. Why are you bothering her? Why on earth would she want to spend her Saturday babysitting?
Sister: How are you doing?
Me: Well... Actually I'm having one of my lowest parenting days ever! I think I'm at the edge of my mental health. (I try to say this in as light a way as possible so she can think over it if she wants)
Sister: Oh no! Would you want me to watch Sophia? I'm free on Saturday.

This is all it took for me to burst into tears.

Me: (stumbling) Yes! That's exactly what I want, but I was too afraid to ask. I know Saturday is your only day to sleep in.
Sister: It's no problem! Really...I never get a chance to be with her.

So this past Saturday I dropped Sophia off at 9am. Headed to an engagement session (which was cancelled). I was able to go home, clean the house...which took half the time because I didn't have Sophia clinging to my leg. When I picked her up at 4 I could tell she had an awesome time!

Often times, we are isolated in our lives. Especially in our struggles and in our pain. We suffer silently because we are afraid we'll be a burden to others. It's scary sometimes to be vulnerable...but often what we need is really simple.

sophia's galvanization

Rewind to last year-August 2009.

It was a hot day as I headed to work. I pulled into the parking lot and my cell phone rang. This would be the call that would ROCK my world and change my life forever.  You see Anthony and I were married 11 years ago and have been unable to concieve for 10 years. Eight months after we were married I became pregnant, but miscarried at 10 weeks. I will admit it's taken me a VERY long time to be able to talk about it. I just wanted to put it behind me.  Yet, even as I write this I can tell you that Anthony and I have a child in heaven who would have been 10 years old in a couple of weeks.

But even as I write that, I can say that had I had children of my own, I never would've had Little Miss Sophia Amarah. She came to us from a phone call.  A friend of a friend of a friend who found out she was pregnant.  Originally she wanted to have an aborition. But after discovering she was 7.5 months pregnant realized that wouldn't be an option. So, she had her friend contact us and she gave us 3 days to have our attorney notifity her if we wanted to adopt her little girl. This mother had never met us, never spoken to us...and yet she wanted to give us her child.  Who can arrange something like that...only God can.

So 3 days later our attorney contacted her and we were to begin adoption proceedings. We then found out that she was further along than expected and would be induced in 6 days. That's right...6 days and we would have a little girl in our arms.  My heart was overwhelmed, it was happening so fast. We were in the process of moving and had NOTHING for a baby. When I say nothing I mean nothing....no crib, no clothes, no bottles, no blankets.  Then I saw God move in ways I never thought possible.  Our church family gave and gave.  God worked every last detail out.

Most moms have 9 months to prepare for their baby...I had 9 days.  But even as I had so little time...I really had 10 years to prepare. Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. My dream was coming true. As I am sitting in the hospital waiting room all I can think about is what will she look like, will she be healthy, and will her birth mom want her back?  So I prayed. We prayed. At 3:42 pm on August 20, 2009 Sophia Amarah was born. 

I had never beheld something so beautiful. All I could do was weep. I felt so undeserving yet SO loved. This baby girl was God's gift to me. For me. She is light and the apple of my eye.

Fastforward 14 months later- November 4, 2010.

Homestudies have been completed, background checks are done, and Sophia is 1. This year of waiting has been filled with memories and stretched our faith beyond belief.  It's warm and a gorgeous fall day as we head to the Family Court in downtown Lexington.  I am amazingly calm, it's my hubby who is stressed. We walk in to the Judge's chambers; she signs some paperwork, our attorney asks us some questions, and in 15 minutes Sophia Amarah becomes a legal Galvan.  I shed some much held back tears as the Judge looks at me smiles and says, "Now you know you are her mother now. It's as if she came from you. She's yours and you can't give her back."

So now, I am writing this several days later and I can tell a weight has been lifted and a barrier is gone. Sophia is mine and she will always and forever be mine. Her story is wonderfully written by a God who created her and loves her and I cannot wait to tell Sophia it.

I want to remember

I want to remember you babbling and talking when you first wake up from your nap or in the morning. I could listen and laugh to it all night.

I want to remember how much you love looking at my scrapbooks. Almost everyday you go to the shelf and pull them out.  You point and talk and love looking at photos.

I want to remember you pacing,dancing, and swinging your arms back and forth in the living room when we sing your favorite songs.

I want to remember you ABSOLUTELY love clothes and shoes. I can go into your room and I can find you just looking at your closet or if I leave a drawer open I know I can find all the clean clothes on the floor because you have pulled every last bit of clothing out.

I want to remember how much you love looking out the living room windows. Every Monday we watch the garbage truck and every day you watch daddy leave for work after he's come home on his break.

I want to remember how smart you are. I can tell you something and you immediately know what I'm talking about.

I want to remember your blue eyes and how they sparkle in the sun.

I want to remember how you hold your elbow up to your ear as if you are talking on the phone.

I want to remember that when you are unsure of someone or something you tilt your little head and burry it into my shoulder or leg.

I want to remember how excited you get when we open your car door to get you out. If something is in your hands or your mouth you quickly throw it out of the car door and giggle.

I want to remember how much of a people person you are. You are such a delight to be around.

I want to remember you LOVE books. We read everyday together and you love it.

I want to remember that you like to talk and talk and talk. You really have quite alot to say.

I want to remember how you like to dance around when your daddy plays old macdonald on the guitar.

I want to remember that you like to face out. You lean on the back of the couch, or a chair, or my leg- you always have to see what's going on.